Urologist and pelvic surgeon Dr Rena Malik explains the average length of time sex lasts in real life. A better understanding of your erotic desire could help you escape a sex rut or simply reinvigorate the passion in your relationship. And while the year-old actress and singer has plenty to be glowing By WH Staff Jan 23, By WH Staff. Wellness changes everything. Can it be too high or too low? Is there an ideal number? How does this average vary state by state?
How does the overall American average compare to that of other countries? How often do people lie about their number? At what point should you discuss your sexual history with your partner? How likely are you to get an STI from a new partner?
How to practice safe sex. The bottom line. Read this next. Medically reviewed by Fernando Mariz, MD. Note : Eight states did not receive a statistically significant number of respondents and were therefore excluded from the state-by-state survey insights.
When it comes to their number of sexual partners, Americans are all over the map—literally. With an average of 31 partners, the Nutmeg State seems to have outgrown its historically political and religious conservatism in favor of a more radical approach to life, as younger generations lean increasingly left.
At the lowest end of the ranking were Pennsylvania, South Carolina, and Colorado, with state averages of 8. This is less surprising in Pennsylvania, with its Quaker ancestry, and South Carolina, a Southern bastion of evangelicalism, but we expected a higher number in Colorado, where progressive politics and the good life loom large. The jig is up! It seems respondents in Connecticut may feel freer to have sex than they do to talk about it, with a difference of Wisconsin, Kansas, and Arkansas also ranked among those with the highest numbers, while none of the states with low averages reported high levels of truth-stretching.
So, what accounts for this difference? It could be how Americans define sex. For over half of respondents Another A study of CDC data from to found these numbers:. There's no specific number of sexual partners that is universally considered a lot or too many partners. Everyone has their own personal opinion on what the ideal number of sexual partners is based on their own individual preferences, values, priorities, cultural backgrounds, and experiences. What's a high number of partners to one person may be considered average or even low to another person.
Unfortunately, people still judge one another based on the number of sexual partners they've had. Research suggests people still care quite a bit about this number and are still pretty quick to lay down judgments if a person's number or their own is too high or too low. Some studies show people are less willing to date somebody as their number of sexual partners increases and view people as less intelligent, kind, honest, or trustworthy as that number goes up. That's not a good thing—it means our culture has an even longer way to go before an attitude of sexual acceptance and celebration truly becomes the norm.
A lot of people are specifically curious to know how many men the average woman has slept with and what counts as a high number of partners for women. Although we might not realize it or intend it this way, our instinct to judge women who sleep with a lot of men is rooted in sexism.
While men are praised by their peers for having sex with a lot of people, women are shamed for it. Psychologists refer to this sexist phenomenon as a sexual double standard. Some research shows people view women who've slept with a ton of people as less confident than they do women who've slept with fewer partners. One study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found women, in particular, view more promiscuous women as "less competent, emotionally stable, warm, and dominant.
These perceptions are not based in reality, of course. Sleeping with a lot of people doesn't make women any less competent, stable, or confident. Plenty of women enjoy having sex with a lot of people and are also smart, mature, kind, committed, and confident. If you find yourself judging a woman negatively based on her sexual history, it's important to take a pause and recognize that your judgments may be unfairly gendered.
It can be helpful to spend some time reflecting on your feelings about sex and gender more broadly. You're, of course, allowed to have your own values, but it's important not to view other people negatively just because they have a different set of values from yours.
Yes, how many people a person has slept with or how regularly they enjoy casual sex can tell you a lot about them. A person's number of sexual partners could potentially shed some light on things like their personality more sexually adventurous people naturally tend to be more extroverted , how social they are they tend to have more friends , their interest in alcohol they tend to drink more , and what their views and values are as they relate to sex they tend to be more sex-positive and liberal.
What can a person's number not tell you? Anything about the quality of their character. Your sexual history can't tell us whether you're a kind, ethical, intelligent, loyal, or empathetic person or basically any other meaningful quality about you. There are certainly some promiscuous people out there who aren't particularly kind toward themselves or others. At the same time, some of the gentlest, most emotionally mature souls get intimate with strangers on the regular, and some of the biggest jerks you'll ever meet have never had sex in their lives.
The number of partners really doesn't tell you much. If it's on your mind, it's usually a good idea to talk about it. Keeping secrets from your partner or feeling like you're avoiding something can create distance and tension in the relationship. All that said, it seems people are pretty weird about talking to their partners about their number.
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