Should UPR be reserved just for those close to you? Perhaps the best way to approach such a question is to begin to experiment with the perspective shift of unconditional positive regard in your daily life. See what affect it has on your relating to others and your own mood and decide for yourself.
Do so below. I have had 10 months of Person centred therapy. My therapist is moving on and we have got 5 sessions left. I am working towards finding another T but feel emotionaly dependent on the current one and find it extremely difficult and scary to move on. Any suggestions how can I make this move with more confidence and trusting my self? Thank u. Kind regards Alens.
And how wonderful that you developed a trusting bond. It is always scary when we grow trust but then have to move on. But what is the worst thing that can happen if you just let yourself feel scared? Is it ok to feel that things are hard and scary and then make small steps to find another therapist despite the fear?
Could that work? And definitely talk to your therapist about this. He or she might help you find the root of what makes change and losing others so overwhelming for you personally, and it can also be a doorway to understanding yourself even more.
I am so happy to see the change in them:. Already I can sense the hackles rise : I must clearly still be trapped in an aggressively judgmental view of human discourse and anything I may say could easily be held against me. Secondly, that creative exploration of my psyche and emotional heights and depths often follows the more difficult path: the poems that have resulted may contain painful understanding, but they nearly always constitute a positive, releasing energy.
This, surely, is the least we can offer each other? The only way out is through, we cannot thrive in a permanently extended egocentric infancy. Hey Peter, thanks for commenting. If the moment calls for engaging and challenging, so be it. Unconditional positive regard means we believe in the person as worthwhile. And certainly challenging others does not at all affect our respect for him or her. In fact sometimes our respect demands it. Again, it means you believe in the client as a worthwhile human with inner strength.
Therapy is about learning to accept your life, to be resilient, and to develop self-compassion for yourself and others. Hope that helps. He ignored me for a few days and when we finally talked about it, he said that the only way the conflict could have been resolved is if I would consider his opinion and take his advice.
I told him that I am happy to consider his opinions, but I always reserve the right to disagree and to NOT take his advice. He told me that I need to be more accepting of him and sent me this article. This is a pattern for him. I wish he would just apologize for being so insistent and recognize that I have the right to NOT take his advice, and he needs to be okay with me disagreeing.
What should I do? Carl Rogers would certainly be turning in his grave to hear his wonderful concept of empathy and acceptance was used in this way. So we are afraid to say your boyfriend obviously did not actually read this article beyond the title and needs to take the time to do so.
Nevertheless, we are getting only your side of the story here. There might be many other things going on. Then again, to be ignored for several days just for disagreeing is worrisome to hear, especially if you have been together for 9 years. That is far from healthy communication. Also worrisome is the fact that you are going into guilt and self-blame for standing your ground.
Which both suggest a relationship of one person being controlled by the other. Thank you so much for your reply. That clarifies things a lot. In the end, I often apologize instead of him.
So, just to be clear, I can practice UPR and still ask not demand my partner to change his behavior, right? As am I. Thanks again! These are two different things. In the end, the only person you can change is yourself.
We are not here to be part of a dispute between you, that would best be something done with a couples counsellor who can help you both find the answers that work for you. Thank you for this great article! It would be really interesting if there are people who can share their experience of using UPR in daily life. I have been using it more or less, each day for a while now, though it gets exhausting at times.
Sami, good for you! It is a great concept to bring to everyday life. As you correctly point out we do need to also take care of ourself, and walk that boundary between seeing the resilience and potential in others while not feeling a need to save them, simply to see them.
That can be part of UPR, to respect someone enough to be our real self. Should it matter though? It feels like a minimization tactic.
Now since I told my therapist that bothers me, she has been saying that a lot. Does it matter if she knows them or not? Thank you. Therapists are there to speak openly with. It is not likely a minimisation tactic. When you talk about other people, are you often angry, hostile, or judging the other person? For example, your comment sounds like you are quite angry in this moment.
Is this possible? So then maybe you think and feel differently to most people. So you just need to take the time to learn how other people tend to act, or ask them what they mean or why they say and do things, calmly, without accusation, before jumping to conclusions that they are, for example, minimising you.
And start to ask good questions when you have assumptions in your mind — what if that is not what the other person is thinking or doing? What if I am assuming people think like me? What if they think and feel differently? What sorts of other ways might they think and feel? We hope it goes well with the therapist. I have recently begun a counselling course and UPR is the first thing i have come across.
I myself suffer from depression, so this is an interesting topic personally as i find it hard to give myself a break and constantly attack myself for any reason. That being said, i was wondering if my current experience is an example of me using aspects of UPR already in my work. I am a Prison Officer and spend all my time dealing with men who a large percentage of are dealing with mental health issues of some kind or another.
As a professional i view each and every prisoner as a blank page. Starting small by addressing them as Mr so and so. From there i encourage self motivation in order to promote self worth. I talk with the prisoner and use leading questions to get to a point where they understand why, what they did was wrong. This self realisation then makes it easier for them to accept any punishment they may then receive. In a nutshell, i believe in the world of counselling UPR is used to allow someone to location and confront any issues they have, on their own terms.
This in turn allows them to accept what they see and be more likely to adapt and change accordingly. Again, i am brand new to this, so please forgive any ignorance on my behalf. I am completely open to any differing opinions and theories.
All help welcome. Hi Scott, thanks for sharing! It is sure to be of tremendous value with your work with inmates. We think you are definitely getting the hang of UPR. Easier said than done, evidently! As when we are a sensitive person we can see the best in others, their potential, and really want them to achieve it, as evidently you feel about those you work with.
Personal development, personal therapy and self-care are important for nurturing our feelings and attitudes towards ourselves. Offering unconditional positive regard requires us to put our judgments aside and be alongside the client — stepping into their frame of reference.
It is important to understand and acknowledge our personal prejudices and unconscious biases, so that we are aware of how they might impact on our ability to be present with clients. If a judgment lies in our unconscious, we may not spot its presence in our interactions with our clients and may unknowingly be responding from a place of judgment.
Open and non-defensive work in supervision is vitally important. Enter into every therapeutic encounter with an openness and willingness to be with the client in the moment. Avoid making assumptions or predictions and check yourself if you find yourself doing so. This way we can fully receive the client, providing the conditions for growth and change. Rogers, C. London: Constable. Spotted out-of-date info or broken links? Kindly let us know the page where you found them.
Email: brokenlink counsellingtutor. Skip to content. Carl Rogers was a humanistic psychologist who agreed with the main assumptions of Abraham Maslow. However, Rogers added that for a person to "grow", they need an environment that provides them with genuineness openness and self-disclosure , acceptance being seen with unconditional positive regard , and empathy being listened to and understood.
Without these, relationships and healthy personalities will not develop as they should, much like a tree will not grow without sunlight and water. Rogers believed that every person could achieve their goals, wishes, and desires in life. When, or rather if they did so, self actualization took place. This was one of Carl Rogers most important contributions to psychology, and for a person to reach their potential a number of factors must be satisfied.
Rogers rejected the deterministic nature of both psychoanalysis and behaviorism and maintained that we behave as we do because of the way we perceive our situation. Carl Rogers believed that humans have one basic motive, that is the tendency to self-actualize - i. Like a flower that will grow to its full potential if the conditions are right, but which is constrained by its environment, so people will flourish and reach their potential if their environment is good enough.
However, unlike a flower, the potential of the individual human is unique, and we are meant to develop in different ways according to our personality.
Rogers believed that people are inherently good and creative. They become destructive only when a poor self-concept or external constraints override the valuing process. Carl Rogers believed that for a person to achieve self-actualization they must be in a state of congruence. Rogers describes an individual who is actualizing as a fully functioning person. The main determinant of whether we will become self-actualized is childhood experience.
Rogers believed that every person could achieve their goal. This means that the person is in touch with the here and now, his or her subjective experiences and feelings, continually growing and changing. In many ways, Rogers regarded the fully functioning person as an ideal and one that people do not ultimately achieve. Open to experience : both positive and negative emotions accepted. Negative feelings are not denied, but worked through rather than resorting to ego defense mechanisms.
Existential living : in touch with different experiences as they occur in life, avoiding prejudging and preconceptions. Being able to live and fully appreciate the present, not always looking back to the past or forward to the future i. Trust feelings : feeling, instincts, and gut-reactions are paid attention to and trusted. A person does not play safe all the time. This involves the ability to adjust and change and seek new experiences.
Fulfilled life : a person is happy and satisfied with life, and always looking for new challenges and experiences. For Rogers, fully functioning people are well adjusted, well balanced and interesting to know. Often such people are high achievers in society.
Critics claim that the fully functioning person is a product of Western culture. In other cultures, such as Eastern cultures, the achievement of the group is valued more highly than the achievement of any one person. Central to Rogers' personality theory is the notion of self or self-concept.
This is defined as "the organized, consistent set of perceptions and beliefs about oneself. The self is the humanistic term for who we really are as a person.
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